My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
