i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
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he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
