dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
