suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
