Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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