ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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