Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
