oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
