Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
