So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
