I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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