remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just high enough for therapy.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
