And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
