I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
