I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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