my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Randomize
