walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
