You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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