His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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