i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
