i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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