I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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