I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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