It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
