I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
