which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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