You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
