took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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