she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Is Oprah even human
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
