is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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