I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
