Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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