Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
