every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
