just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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