this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
