I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He better not be in your backpack
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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