So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
