Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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