I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
