And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
