I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
