it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
