Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
