jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
