So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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