It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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