he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
