I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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