i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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