Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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