i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
