i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
